Commentary

Beware of Abusive Marriages

By Fred Boasiako Antwi, Social Commentator

Marriage is a complex institution, a maze of ideologies and a pyramid of fallacies. It is a subject with many experts who at best offer only hypothetical solutions. It is an arena many have dared but few have survived. It is a field never taught but perfection is expected. If you think these attributes are exhausting, try Christian marriages. Any attempt to explain it can be akin to navigating a landmine: one mishap and you could be blown into pieces.

For some, marriage is a route to escape fornication and for others, an opportunity to show off their prized possession. Whatever your reason may have for embarking on this journey, you are soon rattled with the reality of sharing the same space with your spouse. Marriage is not all gloomy: it can be a very pleasurable and beautiful experience garnished with occasional clashes of ideologies and direction. How couples manoeuvre in such turbulent times is fundamental to the longevity of any marriage. For Christians, any union modelled outside Christ is a recipe for disaster. Interestingly, many erroneously believe a wedding ceremony held in a church auditorium is cast in the footprints of Christ.

In our setting, persons who know zilch about marriage by default assume the role of marriage counsellors once they become pastors. Their personal experience, if any, become the benchmark of a union in their church. You either conform to their standards or be seen as a weakling. Couples feign courage and often harbour needless bitterness and anger. They often implode with dire, irreparable consequences. It is almost unimaginable for a staunch Christian fellow to admit an emotional weakness, and seek the appropriate remedy like anger management to heal. They would rather hide under the clothes of prayer and suffer in silence, eventually unleashing rage on their partners often with horrifying consequences.

The death of the “Ekwueme” hitmaker, Osinachi Nwachukwu allegedly caused by domestic abuse ignited an uproar on social media. The thought of death of such an anointed lady at the hands of her husband was just inconceivable. The aftermath was a concoction of anger and sorrow. Prior to her death, it is alleged the church encouraged her to submit regardless of the abuse, commit to prayer and hope for a miraculous transformation of her abuser. She sadly hoped in vain and paid the ultimate price. Her Pastor let her down by encouraging her to endure relentless abuse in the hands of the man who swore to love and protect her. Out of respect and probably fear, she painfully obliged. I’m not sure God created our brains to forgo its use. “You are too canal to understand spiritual things” is the bane of most of our religious problems. Most of us are living corpses because we don’t want to attract curses by questioning spiritual authorities.

By this, men have assumed demigods status and perpetuated unimaginable servitude doctrines on congregants. Osinachi was terrified at how the church and society would perceive her and needlessly crawled to her grave. It is for a very good reason that the Bible admonishes us to be transformed by the renewal of our minds: a renewed mind capable of unconditional love, forgiveness and tolerance. A Christian’s ability to forgive regardless of the offence is as good a prayer as blasting in tongues 10 hours a day.

The body of Christ has lost a great jewel but there are far more precious jewels wailing in silence: seek help, it doesn’t make you canal or less of a Christian. Conflict is inevitable in marriage but an overdose of Godly love can tame any physical confrontation, drown hurtful words and give you peace of mind. The next time you think of enduring such abuse, remember God dislikes divorce and has hate for murderers.